7 Quick Takes... on a Monday though

1. I have given up Facebook for lent but still find myself thinking about my life in terms of what my status would be at any given moment.

2. I had lunch with my Bible study leader today and can I tell you? AMAZING. I am so glad that I decided to join that group even though it means one more day that I have to drive the 30 minutes out to Durham. We talked about life for about an hour and I loved meeting with her and sharing my story with someone who has similarities to my life but can look back and encourage me where I am.

3. Spring Break number 1 was last week. I think I got too use to not working or going to class because it was a fight to wake up this morning.

4. Spring might be here. North Carolina weather is is just as crazy as China weather and I am not sure how long it is going to stay beautiful but it is.... BEAUTIFUL.... unfortunately my allergies do not agree and I have been taking sinus meds like it's candy.

5. I have a stack of books that need to be read and yet the weather says "come play before it gets hot and miserable" ... thus I don't want to read anything school related which I am sure will come back to haunt me the next few weeks when I take test and quizzes on stuff I am suppose to read. I will read everything before it's due....

6. The Summit is going to be starting a church in North Raleigh. Part of me thinks YAY! The other part of me think ICK.... I mean another church in N. Raleigh? Really? Needless to say, I will probably not be attending as the new campus may be all seminary students and I like the fact that when I go to Durham I don't see people that I automatically think they are from Southeastern (I love my friends... but I do struggle with wanting to build relationships outside of school).

7. I love post-it notes and list. I feel sort of accomplishment when I check something off. Who knew?

being offensive, rubberbands and being valued.

Today has been a particually rough day.

It started off with an e-mail from someone that I work with telling me that I would not be able to work on Saturday due to my religious beliefs. As much as I understand, I was frustrated. I am not working very much this week and could have used the job and was looking forward to the fact that this family had one child and it was a 2 year old. Often times I am with 9-15 year olds and sometimes its just healing to hold a baby. I felt rejected not only based on what I believed in but because somehow these people were saying I am not good enough to watch their child.

I told someone tonight I felt like I was being spiritually attacked with rubber bands. Painful and something that leaves scars for days. I felt like they knew my weak spots and instead of something quick decided to fire the thinnest rubber bands towards those soft spots. It makes me hurt all over... I have always been told I should be like a rubber band but the reality is that as flexible as I want to be the pain of being hurt is still present.

One of those areas is that of my value and worth. I was part of a conversation today where 2 girls were questioning the likelyhood of another girl getting married because of the fact she has a ThM. I feel like somehow women are starting to associate things like intelligence and beauty into a sense of worth. Maybe it's true- that woman may not get married- but don't I serve a God who does the impossible? Should someones intelligence, appearance, or religion somehow effect their worth?

It is possible that I will be starting to work with the youth group at the Summit. I almost feel as if there should be better answers for them. That while those things do matter ultimately our identities are not found in what we do or have but as Christians our identities should be and are rooted in Christ. My friend Emily puts it nicely when she says "in exchange for sitting at the table of false satisfaction, feeding off the morsels of whatever it is (it being what we look to instead of Christ) washing it down with the poison of pride, may we instead rest at the dining table of full satisfaction with our Father we have already been given, indulging ourselves in the word, being constantly refreshed in the Spirit."

I feel like this is something that I am still learning. That only Christ will satisfy. The other things that I am looking too- my job, my friends, and the things that offer comfort, love, joy, peace, and rest- fail and fall short. In Him, I can find my value and worth... not in the things I lack. In Him, I can have....

life.

7 Quick Takes #1

I am starting to do these again and this is my first one of the new year!

#1

I should be studying for my New Testament and Problem of Evil exams but instead I am blogging because somehow that seems like more fun.

#2

I seriously love every one of my classes and professors. Whenever something goes wrong I want to ask "WWHTD?" or "WWJED?" (what would Heath Thomas do? or What would Jeremy Evans do?).... I have more what would ____ do? but those are the top two at the moment.

#3

It has snowed a couple of times since I moved back the states and I have found myself wondering why in the world would I ever want to live in a place where in snows? I mean honestly, snow is cold. Cold is depressing. It's pretty when you are inside with wool socks and hot chocolate but then when you go out the next day and your car is stuck- thats when you realize snow is uncool. Give me sunny warm weather any day.

#4

It's that time of year when Lent is happening. This year I have given up Facebook again. I am trying to add new and better things to my life- like eating better and more scripture memory. This past week though I have failed. But I am learning more and more about grace and the fact that it really covers all of my mistakes. I am also trying to branch out a bit more from only being in Wake Forest. I work and watch kids in the greater Raleigh- Durham area so I am trying to find places that I can go frequently to build relationships and live out a godly life.... without killing myself wasting gas money.

#5

For Valentines day, I went to a fondue party. LOVED IT! Letha is a such an amazing person. We have lunch together on Tuesdays and I seriously think that Tuesdays may become my favorite days this semester. She is writing up list in honor of her turning.... ahem 19 this year. you can find it at lethadiane.blogspot.com. I have helped her with her most recent one which turned out pretty stinkin great!

#6

I may be starting to help out with the youth group at the Summit where I go to church. I never really thought of working with youth- I prefer college students- but thats where they need people. I am going to an intro meeting to see what I can do and how to be used.

#7

I love coupons and plan to start using them more frequently. No joke. I recently bought a half gallon of Edy's No Sugar Mint Chocolate ice cream from Harris Teeter. On sale= 2.97. Coupon= 1.00. VIC (Harris Teeters MVP card)= 1.00. 97 cents for a half gallon of ice cream. HECK YEAH!

Direction

I use to play the paino- play being used loosely. My younger brother and I would fight over whoever went first because neither of us had practice and neither wanted to play for Mr. Turner. I had a bad habit of not watching the music (or the director) when I should have. Instead I would watch my figures, which were no help at all.

In the 15 plus years I looked at music, two of the biggest issues in music are the rest and the counting. For some reason, people like to stop counting when they get to a rest. They (okay I) didn't always understand that the rest sometimes help the drama of the next notes or that there is still music being made.

This week has been a challenging one at best. I have been wondering what I am doing and why I feel like God is pausing. I want to rush ahead, skip the counting and start playing again. I want to figure out my role and do it well. However, I am at a rest.

The biggest part of the rest is watching the director for when to come in again. I guess this is what I have to learn. I rush ahead, stop counting, look at my figures, start to play when I am suppose to be silent and then look down, knowing that I have failed to practice. But the God comes over, lefts my head and looks at me with love. He says "Watch Me. I am directing your life. Keep counting. You may not hear music in the rest- but there is music being made and it pleasing Me."

All Done

In an effort to update people, I would like to say I am finished with first semester. I took my last exam a couple of minutes ago online.

No more:

-Thursday nights with Rebecca and philosophy discussions.
-Chapel to Evangelism to Philsophy and not catching my breath in between.
-Hebrew ridiculous Wednesdays that I never was really sure why I was going.
-Hermuentics and the haunting of Wake Forest Coffee Cups- although Dr. Thomas will be brought to mind each time I see one.
-Library days with people stealing the book I was using.
-Being loud in the library with Kelly, Stacey, Michelle, Alex, Emily and Rachel.
- Sitting in Barnes and Noble talking about important life issues with Kelly and Emily.


It's over. I am sure the next few months and years will hold many more great memories but for now-

It's time to celebrate.

Being Thankful

Brrr.Coldness has come.
1st semester is almost done.
Thanksgiving and Christmas to be celebrated in the states.
Learning to love new people without a language barrier.


I have mixed emotions about it all.

So today I will celebrate being thankful.

I am thankful for:
Jesus.
My family.
My friends (Virginia, North Carolina, New Jersey, Ohio, China, Austria, New Zealand, Thailand, Cambodia... and the many places I am missing. Come visit).
My roommates.
A dryer.
My job (I love the Neffs. When/ If I leave North Carolina I will miss them like crazy!)
Christmas in the states this year.
My church and the way they have allowed me to get involved.
My lovely little car.

This year my list may not be that long but every single thing listed is important and special to me. I have mixed emotions about celebrating Thankgiving this year.... but I can be thankful the One I serve has provided beyond my imagination.

Changes

It's fall. Almost winter. The leaves are beautiful and my jacket/ sweater collection has been expanding. With this weather comes papers, finals and the general feeling of warmth that Thanksgiving and Christmas brings.

It's my first Thanksgiving and Christmas in the states since coming back from China. I will admit that I have been missing China more than usual. I miss my students, my friends, my family there. A lot of things changed when I left. My New Zealand friends were moving to a new city, my roommate moved back to her hometown, a new mall was being built. I try to picture it in my head- but then I remember it was China and nothing stayed the same for long.

Here in Wake Forest, it feels the same. New business are being built, a new semester will start and the overall look of North Carolina starts to dim as winter comes. I keep wanting to go back. Go back to the warm weather. Go back to when things where nice and beautiful Go back to when the days invited me to be lazy and celebrating in the sunshine.

But in my heart I know- I understand- I can't go back. I can't turn around and run to my small apartment with the small dilapidated bed and my space heater and my comforting $.25 cent movies. I have to move forward. It's painful and hard- especially when I feel like I am failing at juggling my life.

Nevertheless, I am here. And changes are good. I love the fall colors although I hate the cold. I love the pumpkin spice lattes, but I hate the frost on my windshield in the mornings. I love the fact that God is changing my heart into one that is more like His, but I hate the painful process it becomes and the feelings of failure it brings.

The thing about changes- they bring hope. Hope for something better, something greater, something lovelier. Fall and winter give way to spring and summer.

So while I sit and enjoy the small coffee and try to finish up my papers and online quizzes- I can be hopeful because with change there is newness. So I am coping with the change believing that something beautiful will come from it.