I have commented on this blog about the "not yet"s before. But this is a blog dedicated to the many desires, dreams and goals that I have to remind myself that I must wait for. Not because these things are not good or because I am somehow living in sin, but because God has something better in store for me. In the right now.
much of this has been discussed by my roommate, Kristin and I. I can not take all of the credit as it has been her to keep reminded me of the fact that God has something better in store.
1. Marriage. Believe me it is NOT fun to go to a wedding by MYSELF! I love dancing, I hate dancing alone. I love eating, I hate eating alone. I love oohing and ahhing.... and I have friends that help me do that. But still, it is had to see the tangible blessings of singleness when I keep hearing that "Marriage is wonderful".
My way to respond to this: "Not yet, God has something better. A better purpose for me being single RIGHT NOW/"
2. Job. I love the flexibilty of my job. I love the pay. I hate the unsteadiness. I would like a job that pays better, that gives me freedom to study and hang out with friends and chances to witness.
My way to respond "Not yet, God has something better but wants to teach me something RIGHT NOW." (I think that God wants me to witness to people at Starbucks personally...)
3. Ministry. I really, really want to figur eout my place in ministry. Right now I feel like I am just floating a long not really doing anything.
My way to respond "Not yet. God has something bigger plan for me RIGHT NOW."
I feel like there are lessons that I need to learn in each area and it's not that I have to wait until each lesson is fully learned before I can move on in these areas but more that I am walking humbly with God and seeking His face. It's then that the "Not Yets" seem to ease me soul and allow me to remember that God is not yet finished with me-but that He will complete the good work that He started.
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
Saturday, August 7, 2010
No Weapon
I have been wrestling with this blog for a while now. In fact, camp was when I first started to think about this.
Our worship leader, Aaron Keyes, was singing a song (the name I am drawing a blank on) but one of the lines was "No weapon formed against me will prosper." I remember praying that night, feeling thankful that it was true. But not until the week later did I really come back to this and begin to meditate on this.
You see- I want things. I want marriage and a family. I want to not be in debt (school loans and such). I want a car that doesn't overheat at random and makes noises. I want to have friends that stick around for longer than a year. Or as my last post said, I want a pretty white Apple computer.
So many times I focus on my wants. Even the things I say I need (which honestly, I imagine I could live without).
The promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper is often one that I don't claim. I let the weapon of discouragement, disillusion and worry overtake my thoughts. I allow the roots of bitterness to take hold of my heart- especially when I see or want something that I don't have or feel is being "withheld" from me.
The truth is that no weapon, nothing, can separate me from the love of God. The truth is that Christ defeated death and now I can stand in Him, boldly approaching grace and walking humbly with God. Discouragement and anxiety have no authority over me and I can rest knowing that Christ has overcome. Whats more is that this allows me to be free- free from guilt, from condemnation, from sin.
So, as I have been learning about choices, today I will choose to rest in the promise. I will choose to rest in the promise that Christ has come to give life. I will choose to rest in His forgiveness.
I will choose to rest in the knowledge that because I am His child- no weapon formed against me will prosper.
"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me, says the Lord."
Isaiah 54:17
Our worship leader, Aaron Keyes, was singing a song (the name I am drawing a blank on) but one of the lines was "No weapon formed against me will prosper." I remember praying that night, feeling thankful that it was true. But not until the week later did I really come back to this and begin to meditate on this.
You see- I want things. I want marriage and a family. I want to not be in debt (school loans and such). I want a car that doesn't overheat at random and makes noises. I want to have friends that stick around for longer than a year. Or as my last post said, I want a pretty white Apple computer.
So many times I focus on my wants. Even the things I say I need (which honestly, I imagine I could live without).
The promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper is often one that I don't claim. I let the weapon of discouragement, disillusion and worry overtake my thoughts. I allow the roots of bitterness to take hold of my heart- especially when I see or want something that I don't have or feel is being "withheld" from me.
The truth is that no weapon, nothing, can separate me from the love of God. The truth is that Christ defeated death and now I can stand in Him, boldly approaching grace and walking humbly with God. Discouragement and anxiety have no authority over me and I can rest knowing that Christ has overcome. Whats more is that this allows me to be free- free from guilt, from condemnation, from sin.
So, as I have been learning about choices, today I will choose to rest in the promise. I will choose to rest in the promise that Christ has come to give life. I will choose to rest in His forgiveness.
I will choose to rest in the knowledge that because I am His child- no weapon formed against me will prosper.
"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me, says the Lord."
Isaiah 54:17
Wednesday, July 28, 2010
Lessons from the Apple Store
Today I got to hang out with a fantastic 8th grader (almost 9th grader) at the mall. We wandered into the Disney store talking about what we liked, what we didn't like, our families, our favorite superheroes, and our God. One of the places we visited was the Apple store.
I must admit I love Apple products. I don't own many and the ones that I did own... well we won't revisit the heartache. But I do love the products. I love how white and clean they are. I love how much they can do... if you know how to work them correctly. I don't like the price.
As my wonderful friend and I were walking out, I commented about how I would love to take an Apple sticker and put it on my Toshiba (a durable, reliable computer that I love as well) and call it an Apple.
Any 5 year old would laugh at this. Actually- my 14 year old friend laughed. It sounds ridiculous. And would probably look just as ridiculous.
But it started me thinking. How many times do I simply want the label? I don't actually want to pay the price for the best thing or for the right thing. I simply want the recognition for whatever it is. I don't want to put in the time or work in order to get a nice pretty white Apple computer. I want the cheaper version- the sticker. I want the label. The label is easier. It can be peeled off if I don't like it.
The thing about stickers- they fade. Start to lose sticky-ness. Get worn out.
I wonder how many times I do that in life in general. How many times I want to be known as a "Christian" but not really make time for Jesus, fellowship with believers, serve, give, love, go? I sometimes am satisfied with simply wanting to be known as someone moral... the relationship with Christ oftentimes comes second.
I will admit that I struggle with this a lot. Jesus has asked me- commanded me- to leave behind every idol- to seek after Him even if it cost my life and I am satisfied to put sticker on myself? A sticker that may change my behaviors for a few weeks but honestly a sticker that will not last?
The thing is Apple computers are expensive.
My life was expensive.
Apple computers I would have to buy.
My life- all I have to do is commit and follow where He leads.
I may never upgrade my gray trusty Toshiba to the prettiness that is the white Apple macbook.
But Jesus went to the cross so that my sin, my debt, my stain could be wiped clean and made white. He died so that I wouldn't have to cover my shame with a label but that I could live- fully and freely in Him. His grace covers every shame, every sin- it does not fade or lose it's grasp.
That is far better than a sticker.
Psalm 25:10 "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep his commands."
I must admit I love Apple products. I don't own many and the ones that I did own... well we won't revisit the heartache. But I do love the products. I love how white and clean they are. I love how much they can do... if you know how to work them correctly. I don't like the price.
As my wonderful friend and I were walking out, I commented about how I would love to take an Apple sticker and put it on my Toshiba (a durable, reliable computer that I love as well) and call it an Apple.
Any 5 year old would laugh at this. Actually- my 14 year old friend laughed. It sounds ridiculous. And would probably look just as ridiculous.
But it started me thinking. How many times do I simply want the label? I don't actually want to pay the price for the best thing or for the right thing. I simply want the recognition for whatever it is. I don't want to put in the time or work in order to get a nice pretty white Apple computer. I want the cheaper version- the sticker. I want the label. The label is easier. It can be peeled off if I don't like it.
The thing about stickers- they fade. Start to lose sticky-ness. Get worn out.
I wonder how many times I do that in life in general. How many times I want to be known as a "Christian" but not really make time for Jesus, fellowship with believers, serve, give, love, go? I sometimes am satisfied with simply wanting to be known as someone moral... the relationship with Christ oftentimes comes second.
I will admit that I struggle with this a lot. Jesus has asked me- commanded me- to leave behind every idol- to seek after Him even if it cost my life and I am satisfied to put sticker on myself? A sticker that may change my behaviors for a few weeks but honestly a sticker that will not last?
The thing is Apple computers are expensive.
My life was expensive.
Apple computers I would have to buy.
My life- all I have to do is commit and follow where He leads.
I may never upgrade my gray trusty Toshiba to the prettiness that is the white Apple macbook.
But Jesus went to the cross so that my sin, my debt, my stain could be wiped clean and made white. He died so that I wouldn't have to cover my shame with a label but that I could live- fully and freely in Him. His grace covers every shame, every sin- it does not fade or lose it's grasp.
That is far better than a sticker.
Psalm 25:10 "All the ways of the Lord are loving and faithful for those who keep his commands."
Friday, July 2, 2010
Proofreading
Today, I had an job interview for a copy editing position. I am not really sure what the difference is between copy editing and proofreading. In fact, I am fairly certain that there is no difference besides the title.
Proofreading is correcting someones mistakes so that the piece becomes better. A newspaper that has not be read, re-read, and read again is probably not going to be well received.
It started me thinking. I have been told and feeling the need to get involved with a small group. Part of a proofreader job is to make things sound better. Part of the small group job is to sharpen one another. Truth spoken in love. Sharing burdens. Encouraging. Making life better.
I can't help but think "I need people in my life to point me to Christ". I need people who are willing to lovingly point out the sin that separates me from God and then come along side me to encourage the change. My life needs to be proofread, because I often times have blinders on. The blinders that cause me to be judgmental towards other people's shortcomings and falls. Blinders that make me forget that all have sinned and I am included in that all. Blinders that do not allow me to see sin in my own life.
Proofreading is important. Important for the high school student who needs a good grade, for the blogger who wants to be read and for the reporter whose job depends on how well his story is put together.
Examining our lives in the light of the Cross and in light of God's word is important as well. I know I can do that alone, but sometimes the load is a little lighter with someone to help along the way. Much the same way that Christian in Pilgrim's Progress needed Faithful and Hopeful, I need people in my life to help me find my faith, remind me of God's faithfulness and encourage me to never lose hope.
I really want this job.
I really need friends to help me in times of need.
I am really thankful for a God who supplies even though I don't always see how.
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Proofreading is correcting someones mistakes so that the piece becomes better. A newspaper that has not be read, re-read, and read again is probably not going to be well received.
It started me thinking. I have been told and feeling the need to get involved with a small group. Part of a proofreader job is to make things sound better. Part of the small group job is to sharpen one another. Truth spoken in love. Sharing burdens. Encouraging. Making life better.
I can't help but think "I need people in my life to point me to Christ". I need people who are willing to lovingly point out the sin that separates me from God and then come along side me to encourage the change. My life needs to be proofread, because I often times have blinders on. The blinders that cause me to be judgmental towards other people's shortcomings and falls. Blinders that make me forget that all have sinned and I am included in that all. Blinders that do not allow me to see sin in my own life.
Proofreading is important. Important for the high school student who needs a good grade, for the blogger who wants to be read and for the reporter whose job depends on how well his story is put together.
Examining our lives in the light of the Cross and in light of God's word is important as well. I know I can do that alone, but sometimes the load is a little lighter with someone to help along the way. Much the same way that Christian in Pilgrim's Progress needed Faithful and Hopeful, I need people in my life to help me find my faith, remind me of God's faithfulness and encourage me to never lose hope.
I really want this job.
I really need friends to help me in times of need.
I am really thankful for a God who supplies even though I don't always see how.
Hebrews 4:12 For the word of God is living and active. Sharper than any double-edged sword, it penetrates even to dividing soul and spirit, joints and marrow; it judges the thoughts and attitudes of the heart.
Sunday, June 13, 2010
Faithless
I have been thinking about something to write all week.
Without a study job it's easy to sit in my room and think about all the things I would like to write, read or do. Then it's easy to push it off until tomorrow.
Thursday was a day were I decided it was time. Time to stop sitting around and be active about a job. 2 applications were put on hold for a little while until this week for "group interviews". 1 application was accepted and Thursday evening I went through another group interview. However, I have not received a phone call for any job. *sigh*
It was on the way home that I got mad. I was frustrated with God, with myself, with the lack of encouragement. Why would God keep me here in North Carolina if He was not going to provide? Where was His faithfulness, His goodness, His love in my time of need? Why does it seem like everyone around me is getting blessed.... maybe they don't even see it in comparison to where I sat it seemed like God was withholding something. Something good.
In the middle of highway 98 it hit me. Maybe God was not withholding so much as he was protecting. Maybe not in the sense that He is protecting me from something bad but for a deeper relationship with Him. When I am busy and scheduled I often leave God out of the picture thinking I cannot make time for him, I have too much other good things to do. The reality is that I sometimes get it backwards. I do for approval, not for His glory. I do for my gain and not for his. I do because it makes me feel good not because of the reality of hell or the reality of the cross.
Without a job, I am having to trust Him more, talk to Him more, and learn about Him more. It is difficult because sometimes I don't see the fruit. I get frustrated and unsure and start to doubt His love. I start losing faith. So when 2nd Timothy 2:13 was brought up in my meeting on Friday, I couldn't help but relate and feel a tiny bit encouraged. He IS faithful even though I am not. He IS staying with me, even when I can't see. He IS in control even though my small revolves-around-me world seems to be falling apart.
He is faithful. To forgive, to love, to pursue.
Without a study job it's easy to sit in my room and think about all the things I would like to write, read or do. Then it's easy to push it off until tomorrow.
Thursday was a day were I decided it was time. Time to stop sitting around and be active about a job. 2 applications were put on hold for a little while until this week for "group interviews". 1 application was accepted and Thursday evening I went through another group interview. However, I have not received a phone call for any job. *sigh*
It was on the way home that I got mad. I was frustrated with God, with myself, with the lack of encouragement. Why would God keep me here in North Carolina if He was not going to provide? Where was His faithfulness, His goodness, His love in my time of need? Why does it seem like everyone around me is getting blessed.... maybe they don't even see it in comparison to where I sat it seemed like God was withholding something. Something good.
In the middle of highway 98 it hit me. Maybe God was not withholding so much as he was protecting. Maybe not in the sense that He is protecting me from something bad but for a deeper relationship with Him. When I am busy and scheduled I often leave God out of the picture thinking I cannot make time for him, I have too much other good things to do. The reality is that I sometimes get it backwards. I do for approval, not for His glory. I do for my gain and not for his. I do because it makes me feel good not because of the reality of hell or the reality of the cross.
Without a job, I am having to trust Him more, talk to Him more, and learn about Him more. It is difficult because sometimes I don't see the fruit. I get frustrated and unsure and start to doubt His love. I start losing faith. So when 2nd Timothy 2:13 was brought up in my meeting on Friday, I couldn't help but relate and feel a tiny bit encouraged. He IS faithful even though I am not. He IS staying with me, even when I can't see. He IS in control even though my small revolves-around-me world seems to be falling apart.
He is faithful. To forgive, to love, to pursue.
Sunday, May 30, 2010
Intentional Part 2
I didn't mean for this to become a series. I swear.
I thought I was done.
And then God did something today that made me laugh. Out loud.
I have been telling everyone, I need a job. June 1st. That's my deadline. My payers had become, Lord I need a job June 1st. No specifics. No I would like the job to be a consistent, paying job with consistent hours. Half way trusting. Resigning to the idea that June 1st was an impossible dream.
Then I get a phone call. I am needed Tuesday (June 1st) for a one-time 11-5 babysitting job.
Well played God.
Here's the thing: I am not intentional with my praying. I ask God to show me things. To show me how to love like He does without conditions, to give like He does without concern and to die to my selfishness so that I can live through Him. But, as good as that sounds, I just pray it. I just use words that sound seminary like and then move about my day wondering why my heart is unchanged. I don't actually expect God to show up, to show power, to show His glory off like He has done, is doing and will do.
Recently at a Elevate, Jason Gaston challenged the students to be intentional with sticky notes. 5 people that they could witness too and writing down their names so that they could pray intentionally for those people that God would open doors and hearts for the Gospel.
Confession: I don't have 5 people.
Yet.
Maybe it's time to pray intentionally. For my heart to be softened and my words to be His. Praying intentionally that the God of salvation would move in Raleigh-Durham, The US and the World, not resigning myself and telling myself that the prayer may be too big.
And then believe He will show up in big ways because it's not too difficult for Him to do that.
Daniel 9:18b
" We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."
I thought I was done.
And then God did something today that made me laugh. Out loud.
I have been telling everyone, I need a job. June 1st. That's my deadline. My payers had become, Lord I need a job June 1st. No specifics. No I would like the job to be a consistent, paying job with consistent hours. Half way trusting. Resigning to the idea that June 1st was an impossible dream.
Then I get a phone call. I am needed Tuesday (June 1st) for a one-time 11-5 babysitting job.
Well played God.
Here's the thing: I am not intentional with my praying. I ask God to show me things. To show me how to love like He does without conditions, to give like He does without concern and to die to my selfishness so that I can live through Him. But, as good as that sounds, I just pray it. I just use words that sound seminary like and then move about my day wondering why my heart is unchanged. I don't actually expect God to show up, to show power, to show His glory off like He has done, is doing and will do.
Recently at a Elevate, Jason Gaston challenged the students to be intentional with sticky notes. 5 people that they could witness too and writing down their names so that they could pray intentionally for those people that God would open doors and hearts for the Gospel.
Confession: I don't have 5 people.
Yet.
Maybe it's time to pray intentionally. For my heart to be softened and my words to be His. Praying intentionally that the God of salvation would move in Raleigh-Durham, The US and the World, not resigning myself and telling myself that the prayer may be too big.
And then believe He will show up in big ways because it's not too difficult for Him to do that.
Daniel 9:18b
" We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."
Saturday, May 29, 2010
Intentional
It's been a rough couple of weeks as normal. Exams, finals and papers have had my attention.
But one thing that I learning is how to pray expectantly. So much of my life is lived with the "okay God said 'no'" mentality. I accept that He said no without actually continuing to ask and fall on my face before Him. And while there are times I think the answer is no, maybe He wants me to be more persistent. To prove how much I long for His involvement and to seek Him more. Or maybe it's that I assume the answer will be no so I don't actually get into a conversation with Him about it and try to figure it out on my own.
Confession: I don't actually believe He will do the impossible.
Maybe it's my perspective. That God does show up in the small things and answers even my littlest needs.
But I am finding myself wondering if its more. I wonder if I brush aside a small answer, not giving Him glory for the little things and then wondering why He doesn't seem to fixing the greater problems.
There is a Chinese painting on my wall. It say's "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". Not only does God do the things greater than I imagine but He does them according to the power within me. I don't claim that nearly enough.
And I need to realize that
there are days, when the answers come.
The wait has been so worth it.
The amount of rejoicing in my heart spills over into dancing and praising and worshipping the Only One who could ever save.
The majority of my time feels like I am waiting. Where the "Not Yet" seems to be taking forever and almost feels like a no.
But I know I am waiting because the day will come. It will come when I praying intentionally, expecting a big answer from a great God. Until then I will go looking for trouble because a Friend of mine dragged me into this. He called from on High and He spoke about the “least of these.” He said He would do something in my days that I wouldn’t believe, even if I were told.
But one thing that I learning is how to pray expectantly. So much of my life is lived with the "okay God said 'no'" mentality. I accept that He said no without actually continuing to ask and fall on my face before Him. And while there are times I think the answer is no, maybe He wants me to be more persistent. To prove how much I long for His involvement and to seek Him more. Or maybe it's that I assume the answer will be no so I don't actually get into a conversation with Him about it and try to figure it out on my own.
Confession: I don't actually believe He will do the impossible.
Maybe it's my perspective. That God does show up in the small things and answers even my littlest needs.
But I am finding myself wondering if its more. I wonder if I brush aside a small answer, not giving Him glory for the little things and then wondering why He doesn't seem to fixing the greater problems.
There is a Chinese painting on my wall. It say's "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". Not only does God do the things greater than I imagine but He does them according to the power within me. I don't claim that nearly enough.
And I need to realize that
there are days, when the answers come.
The wait has been so worth it.
The amount of rejoicing in my heart spills over into dancing and praising and worshipping the Only One who could ever save.
The majority of my time feels like I am waiting. Where the "Not Yet" seems to be taking forever and almost feels like a no.
But I know I am waiting because the day will come. It will come when I praying intentionally, expecting a big answer from a great God. Until then I will go looking for trouble because a Friend of mine dragged me into this. He called from on High and He spoke about the “least of these.” He said He would do something in my days that I wouldn’t believe, even if I were told.
So, each and every week, I walk this city. I will go looking. I will walk where the people are. I will ask that barriers be broken down, I will ask for the Son to shine, I will ask simply that the blind will finally See. Living intentionally and trying my best to see and believe that God's not finished.
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