Conditions

Recently a friend commented on Facebook how fast October went. Although, it now being the middle of November, I feel as though time is going too fast.

Being November, I realize that I only have a little time before solid decisions must be made. These decisions which I want to ignore by reading a book and drinking whatever instant nasty coffee that's in my apartment. I blame my parents and a few others for my reading addiction. Not to say that its bad- but I do wish that my overactive imagination would sometimes leave me alone. Like the other day when I approached a familiar topic in my devotion time.
The conversation in my head went something like this:
ME:"Please don't make do this forever- living and working overseas- alone."
SMALL VOICE: "Would you obey even if you don't understand?"
ME:" Well.... I suppose, if I had too...."
Silence.

I was midway through the sentence in my head when I saw it. A picture that was clear and I realized my error. The picture of the cross- where One made the ultimate sacrifice, willingly obedient even though He didn't understand and asked for another way. I wondered how I have become so selfish, so unwilling. That I would place conditions on my obedience rather than simply saying, "Ok. I will do whatever you ask me too. Even if its something I don't like."

It hit me fairly hard- how unwilling I was being. How unusable I would be if I placed conditions and limits on a God that knows no bounds. Even now as the decisions for next year begin to approach- I place limits on where I will or will not go. Some reasons are legitimate. Others- not so much.

But its more than just my decisions for the future- its every day. How I say, I will only love this person if they are nice in return- or I will only pay this driver if he manages not kill me. I suppose its a basic truth that I have heard all my life and yet I guess I haven't learned it as well as what I thought I did.

The days are going by faster- and each one brings me one step closer to actually having to face those decisions and bring them into reality. But more than that Christmas approaching (yay!) and its this time when we take the time to celebrate how a tiny baby was born- grew and walked a road- paid the ultimate unconditional price- so that we could live, laugh and love freely in Him.