I have been back on the east coast for the last month. And what a month.
It's been a little strange. Moving back in with my family. Going to my "home" church. Searching for a job. All with the mindset that it will be temporary.
But in all honesty, I am a little nervous that the things that I want to happen won't actually happen. Maybe I won't go overseas. Maybe I won't finish school in May.
Its the "maybe's" the kill me. They drive me nuts and I find myself in a state of panic over what may happen in the next year. Yes that's right. The next YEAR.
During my sessions with Cristy, I remember her telling me Psalm 119:105 a lot. I remember her saying that a lamp doesn't shine very far. Instead, it only lights the step ahead of us. Frustrating as it is, that's all I can see right now.... what is in front of me. I can not see or make sense of my future.
With this comes several things that I should do but that I don't want to do. One of those things is committing to serving where I am. It would be easy to float through the next year as a visitor and not really serve. Instead, God has planted me in a church with needs and in a place where I could be encouraging to those who are there. It is a church that has been home for several years and has never ceased to amaze me with its generosity, love and support of God's calling on my life. After tasting the community that I had at Southeastern and the Summit, this church proves to be a challenge.
We are all sponges. Every last one of us- whether we like it or not. We absorb things that are around us: passions, hang-ups, attitudes, mannerisms, habits, pains, joys- and these are the things that come out when life squeezes us unexpectedly. You are what you eat. But more specifically, you are what you absorb.
And fortunately, we have some serious say in what we absorb.
Let me tell you a little about the people who were in my community both at the Summit and in Asia. They are people I admire. People who are passionate and life-giving. People who have traveled and sacrificed their comfort for something bigger than themselves. People who aren't just dreamers but doers. They are people who think about the things they are passionate about instead of thinking about themselves. And they are people who are a mess, just like me. But it is because of these people I have changed.
What I have found is that freedom comes through relationship.
The people in my community now are a little older. A little wiser. A little less like me. It is an adjustment to say the least.
However, I am hoping to absorb maybe just a little bit of their calmness. Of their faithfulness. Of their belief in a faithful God. Of their daily walk and that it is what it is. A walk. A steady, daily walk where they take things day by day. And perhaps I will come to find that they are just as messed up redeemed as those in delightful people I was blessed to be around- who now cover the globe.
I may or may not be going back overseas in June. I can't see that far ahead. But what I can see is opportunities for witnessing God's faithfulness and finding new freedom in the relationships that he has placed around me. And in this new community, I may be able to find that when life does changes and my future is here, I will not be looking ahead, but remembering it is simply walking. One foot in front of the other.
The people in my community now are a little older. A little wiser. A little less like me. It is an adjustment to say the least.
However, I am hoping to absorb maybe just a little bit of their calmness. Of their faithfulness. Of their belief in a faithful God. Of their daily walk and that it is what it is. A walk. A steady, daily walk where they take things day by day. And perhaps I will come to find that they are just as messed up redeemed as those in delightful people I was blessed to be around- who now cover the globe.
I may or may not be going back overseas in June. I can't see that far ahead. But what I can see is opportunities for witnessing God's faithfulness and finding new freedom in the relationships that he has placed around me. And in this new community, I may be able to find that when life does changes and my future is here, I will not be looking ahead, but remembering it is simply walking. One foot in front of the other.
Your word is a lamp unto my feet and a light unto my path. Psalm 119:105
