Intentional Part 2

I didn't mean for this to become a series. I swear.

I thought I was done.

And then God did something today that made me laugh. Out loud.

I have been telling everyone, I need a job. June 1st. That's my deadline. My payers had become, Lord I need a job June 1st. No specifics. No I would like the job to be a consistent, paying job with consistent hours. Half way trusting. Resigning to the idea that June 1st was an impossible dream.
Then I get a phone call. I am needed Tuesday (June 1st) for a one-time 11-5 babysitting job.
Well played God.

Here's the thing: I am not intentional with my praying. I ask God to show me things. To show me how to love like He does without conditions, to give like He does without concern and to die to my selfishness so that I can live through Him. But, as good as that sounds, I just pray it. I just use words that sound seminary like and then move about my day wondering why my heart is unchanged. I don't actually expect God to show up, to show power, to show His glory off like He has done, is doing and will do.

Recently at a Elevate, Jason Gaston challenged the students to be intentional with sticky notes. 5 people that they could witness too and writing down their names so that they could pray intentionally for those people that God would open doors and hearts for the Gospel.

Confession: I don't have 5 people.

Yet.

Maybe it's time to pray intentionally. For my heart to be softened and my words to be His. Praying intentionally that the God of salvation would move in Raleigh-Durham, The US and the World, not resigning myself and telling myself that the prayer may be too big.

And then believe He will show up in big ways because it's not too difficult for Him to do that.

Daniel 9:18b
" We do not make requests of you because we are righteous, but because of your great mercy."

Intentional

It's been a rough couple of weeks as normal. Exams, finals and papers have had my attention.

But one thing that I learning is how to pray expectantly. So much of my life is lived with the "okay God said 'no'" mentality. I accept that He said no without actually continuing to ask and fall on my face before Him. And while there are times I think the answer is no, maybe He wants me to be more persistent. To prove how much I long for His involvement and to seek Him more. Or maybe it's that I assume the answer will be no so I don't actually get into a conversation with Him about it and try to figure it out on my own.

Confession: I don't actually believe He will do the impossible.

Maybe it's my perspective. That God does show up in the small things and answers even my littlest needs.

But I am finding myself wondering if its more. I wonder if I brush aside a small answer, not giving Him glory for the little things and then wondering why He doesn't seem to fixing the greater problems.

There is a Chinese painting on my wall. It say's "Now to him who is able to do immeasurably more than all we ask or imagine, according to his power that is at work within us". Not only does God do the things greater than I imagine but He does them according to the power within me. I don't claim that nearly enough.

And I need to realize that
there are days, when the answers come.
The wait has been so worth it.
The amount of rejoicing in my heart spills over into dancing and praising and worshipping the Only One who could ever save.

The majority of my time feels like I am waiting. Where the "Not Yet" seems to be taking forever and almost feels like a no.

But I know I am waiting because the day will come. It will come when I praying intentionally, expecting a big answer from a great God. Until then I will go looking for trouble because a Friend of mine dragged me into this. He called from on High and He spoke about the “least of these.” He said He would do something in my days that I wouldn’t believe, even if I were told.

So, each and every week, I walk this city. I will go looking. I will walk where the people are. I will ask that barriers be broken down, I will ask for the Son to shine, I will ask simply that the blind will finally See. Living intentionally and trying my best to see and believe that God's not finished.

Not yet.

Just Keep Swimming

The movie Finding Nemo came to mind today.

I feel a bit useless and restless where I am right now. June 12th is my last babysitting job and after that I have no idea where rent money, food money, gas money will come from. I find myself reverting back to my ways in August where worry and stress take the place of joy and peace and patience. I wonder where God is taking me and what the rest of my life will look like.

So today- instead of worry about June 13th, August 2010, or five years from now, I am going to get through the day. I am going to keep breathing. I am going to live in the present where God is and trust that the ultimate "I AM" will continue to show himself as patient, loving, kind and working for my good- even if I don't believe it or get frustrated with my life right now.

Today I will keep swimming.