Reasons Why I Hate Sharing the Gospel

Before anyone gets all uptight and worried that this seminary students hates sharing the gospel- please read it all the way through and ask yourself honestly if you are a Great Commission Christian. I imagine there are more like me- but to many are scared to admit it because of reputation or guilt.

In the past couple of months, I have met with, followed, read up on my friends Bryan and Megan Barley's church plant. They will be heading to Denver in January and I am so incredibly excited for them! I love the fact that they will be going with a team of 8 or so to plant their lives. They are not planning to return to the east coast to live. They are not planning to stay for a few years then come back so that Bryan can pastor a larger church. I love that they have started to get to know their team here in Raleigh before moving to Denver. I love that they are living out the Gospel here. It seems like good practice.

As much as I love them, admire them and think "wow what a great job they are doing" I feel like I am a bystander. I am not one to go out and live the gospel. I blame my job, my location, my current educational goals. The reality is that I am just to scared, to busy and to apathetic to share with other people. The questions that go through my head when I think I should share the Gospel are things like "Do I want them to say yes? Does that mean I now have to disciple them? Is that worth the time? Do I have the time?" So instead of dealing with these answers, I simply choose not to ask God to present me with opportunities. Or I ask God to present me with opportunities but chicken out when it comes time to follow through.

A recent conversation with one of my friends really exposed this sin. This friend and her husband are questioning what to do next after the internship. I told her to start praying with the Great Commission in mind. But as I sat and talked with her, I realized I need to pray it as well.

I have big dreams of living in a city full of people. Of not having to drive my car everywhere. Of being able to invite my non Christians friends to my house to play games, to eat dinner, to watch movies, to love them, serve them, share Jesus with them. But I am not doing that now. Instead I am focused on the couch that looks like it came from a nursing home.

I write this knowing that we are all gifted in different ways. But the command is to go and make disciples. I am not even doing the "go" part much less the "make disciples" part. I am not building relationships being open about my faith so that as people watch me live and watch how my life has been changed by the Gospel, people wonder why I am different.

I don't tip that much when I go out to eat or to a coffee shop.
I don't always buy things when I go shopping.
I don't make an effort to help people in need unless it's during the week of ServeRDU (which is like an outreach week with my church here in Raleigh/Durham).
I don't question people about their faith and walk with God.
I send people to hell because I don't care enough that Jesus came so that all who believe in Him will be saved.
Even if I do care, I don't actually live out that Jesus is enough because I spend money foolishly or whine about current circumstances and how I wish my life was different.


So if you have made it this far in reading this blog- pray for me. Pray for courage. Pray for wisdom. Pray for the knowledge that Christ' blood covers all sins. Pray that even when I fail in sharing, I can repent and live in the joy that Christ has set me free from sin. Pray that the reality of that will shake me to boldness that all may know and submit to God's authority.