Before anyone gets all uptight and worried that this seminary students hates sharing the gospel- please read it all the way through and ask yourself honestly if you are a Great Commission Christian. I imagine there are more like me- but to many are scared to admit it because of reputation or guilt.
In the past couple of months, I have met with, followed, read up on my friends Bryan and Megan Barley's church plant. They will be heading to Denver in January and I am so incredibly excited for them! I love the fact that they will be going with a team of 8 or so to plant their lives. They are not planning to return to the east coast to live. They are not planning to stay for a few years then come back so that Bryan can pastor a larger church. I love that they have started to get to know their team here in Raleigh before moving to Denver. I love that they are living out the Gospel here. It seems like good practice.
As much as I love them, admire them and think "wow what a great job they are doing" I feel like I am a bystander. I am not one to go out and live the gospel. I blame my job, my location, my current educational goals. The reality is that I am just to scared, to busy and to apathetic to share with other people. The questions that go through my head when I think I should share the Gospel are things like "Do I want them to say yes? Does that mean I now have to disciple them? Is that worth the time? Do I have the time?" So instead of dealing with these answers, I simply choose not to ask God to present me with opportunities. Or I ask God to present me with opportunities but chicken out when it comes time to follow through.
A recent conversation with one of my friends really exposed this sin. This friend and her husband are questioning what to do next after the internship. I told her to start praying with the Great Commission in mind. But as I sat and talked with her, I realized I need to pray it as well.
I have big dreams of living in a city full of people. Of not having to drive my car everywhere. Of being able to invite my non Christians friends to my house to play games, to eat dinner, to watch movies, to love them, serve them, share Jesus with them. But I am not doing that now. Instead I am focused on the couch that looks like it came from a nursing home.
I write this knowing that we are all gifted in different ways. But the command is to go and make disciples. I am not even doing the "go" part much less the "make disciples" part. I am not building relationships being open about my faith so that as people watch me live and watch how my life has been changed by the Gospel, people wonder why I am different.
I don't tip that much when I go out to eat or to a coffee shop.
I don't always buy things when I go shopping.
I don't make an effort to help people in need unless it's during the week of ServeRDU (which is like an outreach week with my church here in Raleigh/Durham).
I don't question people about their faith and walk with God.
I send people to hell because I don't care enough that Jesus came so that all who believe in Him will be saved.
Even if I do care, I don't actually live out that Jesus is enough because I spend money foolishly or whine about current circumstances and how I wish my life was different.
So if you have made it this far in reading this blog- pray for me. Pray for courage. Pray for wisdom. Pray for the knowledge that Christ' blood covers all sins. Pray that even when I fail in sharing, I can repent and live in the joy that Christ has set me free from sin. Pray that the reality of that will shake me to boldness that all may know and submit to God's authority.
Thursday, November 11, 2010
Saturday, October 30, 2010
Transforming Church in Rural America by Shannon O’Dell
Transforming Church in Rural America is one of those books that I am thankful to have in my library. As a seminary student, learning from others seems to be my job. So when I found this book on BookSneeze.com, I thought what an interesting title.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading through his stories and how O'Dell mixes in some practical advice from church planters. The primary audience is the rural church. However, I do believe that something can be found for everyone. Any church planter, pastor, even a dedicated member can tell you that the church body is filled with people who want things their way and are not likely to accept change easily. O'Dell even comments, “When you begin to live out a God-sized vision, it is guaranteed that people will start barking.” Sometimes as Christians we think that simply because our dreams are God-give, people will fall naturally in line. However this is not always the case. In fact, many are resistant to the cost, the time and the energy it takes to start something new. Many times people want to vote and have the vote be unanimous. The biggest thing that I walked away from was O'Dells calling to the church. It truly proves that God's ways are not our own.
The things that I struggle with are the fact that O'Dell's church is an icampus (online version) and it's multisite. Being involved with a multi site church myself I did not take up an interest. However the way that it read was that O'Dell seemed more interested in the numbers of the church rather than allowing God to take the credit and glory for the growth of his church.
I enjoyed the book and am very thankful to be able to learn form other people's experience.
I got this book for free from booksneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.
I thoroughly enjoyed reading through his stories and how O'Dell mixes in some practical advice from church planters. The primary audience is the rural church. However, I do believe that something can be found for everyone. Any church planter, pastor, even a dedicated member can tell you that the church body is filled with people who want things their way and are not likely to accept change easily. O'Dell even comments, “When you begin to live out a God-sized vision, it is guaranteed that people will start barking.” Sometimes as Christians we think that simply because our dreams are God-give, people will fall naturally in line. However this is not always the case. In fact, many are resistant to the cost, the time and the energy it takes to start something new. Many times people want to vote and have the vote be unanimous. The biggest thing that I walked away from was O'Dells calling to the church. It truly proves that God's ways are not our own.
The things that I struggle with are the fact that O'Dell's church is an icampus (online version) and it's multisite. Being involved with a multi site church myself I did not take up an interest. However the way that it read was that O'Dell seemed more interested in the numbers of the church rather than allowing God to take the credit and glory for the growth of his church.
I enjoyed the book and am very thankful to be able to learn form other people's experience.
I got this book for free from booksneeze.com. I’m not required to give a positive review.
Friday, October 8, 2010
Nothing Can Separate
The other day I commented that I wanted to see the Social Network. I haven't yet but the next day I was on Facebook and notice that a friend had changed her relationship status from married to single and taken all of her wedding pictures down. It may not seem like a big deal but it does make me wonder if she and her husband have split.
I wonder about whose fault it was. I wonder whose decision it was to end it. I wonder what they church did to support and counsel them through. I want to call without it being weir or like I am being nosy. I look for someone to blame. I want to blame their parents for not properly showing them what marriage was when they were children. I want to blame the husband for maybe being too involved with work. I want to blame the wife for spending too much time with friends.
I look for someone to blame then I feel a sens of pride and irritation come in. I feel irritated that God has me single. I feel prideful in thinking that difficult choices and the urge to call it quits would never enter into my thoughts as a married person.
It's then I realize that I leave God all the time. I think that I know best and that I know what to do and ultimately I end more messed up than when I started. I am not sure why the one relationship that holds the promise that I will never be alone is the one that I forsake the most. Why I seek comfort in things that I know will not satisfy. Why I long for things that will never truly fulfill what I think I need.
It is then that I remember that we all fall short. I am reminded that He is the one, in this relationship, who is all in and not me. That I am no better than the girl who is getting divorced, who is struggling with addictions, who is pregnant and considering abortion. I am in just as much in need of God's grace, love and forgiveness as they are. It is also then that I remember that no sin is outside the Cross. That nothing I can do will ever separate me from God's love.
It's with those reminders that I pray. For forgiveness. For wisdom. For love.
"For I am convinced that neither death nor life, neither angels nor demons, neither the present nor the future, nor any powers, neither height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus our Lord." Romans 8:38-39
Friday, September 24, 2010
Supporting Actress
For those that don't know me, I have a love/hate relationship with Hollywood. I am very critical of many of the movies and television that I watch. While I never really stop watching the ones I am most critical of, I do sit there and question the judegement calls made by characters as well as actors/actresses that portray the characters.
Today though, in my weekly Friday meeting, I was reminded of the part that I am to play in the grand story of life. It is a part that is not center stage or even a main role. It is a supporting role. One that I often times struggle with. I don't always live my life believing that my role is to support the One who bled on a cross forme. I don't believe that living my life so it allows Him to shine will ultimately bring me more satisfaction than if I were to take center stage and rewrite the story.
My role has not yet been well defined. Unlike a predictable movie, I have no idea what the future holds. I want so badly to be part of the story but am unhappy when my part is to wait patiently in a corner letting the True main Charater take the stage and shine brightly.
The thing is that supprting roles are often easier. They don't have to learn as many lines and what they do say reflects on the main character and point of the story.
My part in the story? To glorify God. It is the only thing that matters when it comes to playing my part. So whether it's eating pizza and watching television with my roommates so that we can become closer as sisters in Christ, uplifting my leaders in ministry and celebrating them when they have triumphs, or allowing myself to be open about what hurts and what needs to be broken by God so that I can be changed into more like Christ, my goal as the supporting actress stays the same.
It's all for Him.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Today though, in my weekly Friday meeting, I was reminded of the part that I am to play in the grand story of life. It is a part that is not center stage or even a main role. It is a supporting role. One that I often times struggle with. I don't always live my life believing that my role is to support the One who bled on a cross forme. I don't believe that living my life so it allows Him to shine will ultimately bring me more satisfaction than if I were to take center stage and rewrite the story.
My role has not yet been well defined. Unlike a predictable movie, I have no idea what the future holds. I want so badly to be part of the story but am unhappy when my part is to wait patiently in a corner letting the True main Charater take the stage and shine brightly.
The thing is that supprting roles are often easier. They don't have to learn as many lines and what they do say reflects on the main character and point of the story.
My part in the story? To glorify God. It is the only thing that matters when it comes to playing my part. So whether it's eating pizza and watching television with my roommates so that we can become closer as sisters in Christ, uplifting my leaders in ministry and celebrating them when they have triumphs, or allowing myself to be open about what hurts and what needs to be broken by God so that I can be changed into more like Christ, my goal as the supporting actress stays the same.
It's all for Him.
"So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God." 1 Corinthians 10:31
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
Police Officers
I thought I would write a "short" blog about the past month... or so.
But then I decided that since I make so many comments in real-life conversations, I would blog about some fun things that happened that will be finishing up this week!
Around August 7th, I was driving to a little town in the middle of no where called Fuquay. Fuquay is far. Like really far. No seriously it was an hour drive for me. So, because of this long car ride I needed to get gas.
Get gas. Check.
Get in car. Check.
Pull out of gas station. Check.
Get pulled over 2ish minutes later. Check.
I forgot the seatbelt. Sigh. Plus in addition to the citation, I get one for not having a valid NC drivers license.
But wait....
I AM A STUDENT!!!!
ack. So this Thursday at 7:45 in the morning I get to go stand in line at the courthouse to see if my fine can be reduced.
The day after I was at an interview. That day was one of the hottest of the summers (no seriously... fried egg anyone?) so being me, I left my window down.
In the middle of the interview, I saw a man reach into my car to steal my GPS. I repeat STEAL MY GPS!!!
So the mom, the 3 year old boy, their 3 legged dog (he lost a leg in a car accident) and I go running to meet the thief. Thankfully I got my GPS back.
Finally, Sunday on my way to OBX, I got distracted anddidn't notice was talking on the phone anyway, i went over the speed limit. Yep, yours truly got a another ticket.
The state of North Carolina should use the 350ish dollars that I will be giving them to do something fun... like finish the construction on Glenwood sooner or expand Capitol and take down some traffic lights... or build a monument in my honor for stopping a GPS robbery.
Needless to say, I have had enough dealings with policemen to last the rest of my seminary career. Also, I have decided to move to a city with a subway system. Then all I would have to worry about is my wallet, germs, wierd people on the subway, having enough money to buy the tickets.....
But then I decided that since I make so many comments in real-life conversations, I would blog about some fun things that happened that will be finishing up this week!
Around August 7th, I was driving to a little town in the middle of no where called Fuquay. Fuquay is far. Like really far. No seriously it was an hour drive for me. So, because of this long car ride I needed to get gas.
Get gas. Check.
Get in car. Check.
Pull out of gas station. Check.
Get pulled over 2ish minutes later. Check.
I forgot the seatbelt. Sigh. Plus in addition to the citation, I get one for not having a valid NC drivers license.
But wait....
I AM A STUDENT!!!!
ack. So this Thursday at 7:45 in the morning I get to go stand in line at the courthouse to see if my fine can be reduced.
The day after I was at an interview. That day was one of the hottest of the summers (no seriously... fried egg anyone?) so being me, I left my window down.
In the middle of the interview, I saw a man reach into my car to steal my GPS. I repeat STEAL MY GPS!!!
So the mom, the 3 year old boy, their 3 legged dog (he lost a leg in a car accident) and I go running to meet the thief. Thankfully I got my GPS back.
Finally, Sunday on my way to OBX, I got distracted and
The state of North Carolina should use the 350ish dollars that I will be giving them to do something fun... like finish the construction on Glenwood sooner or expand Capitol and take down some traffic lights... or build a monument in my honor for stopping a GPS robbery.
Needless to say, I have had enough dealings with policemen to last the rest of my seminary career. Also, I have decided to move to a city with a subway system. Then all I would have to worry about is my wallet, germs, wierd people on the subway, having enough money to buy the tickets.....
Tuesday, August 24, 2010
The Not Yet
I have commented on this blog about the "not yet"s before. But this is a blog dedicated to the many desires, dreams and goals that I have to remind myself that I must wait for. Not because these things are not good or because I am somehow living in sin, but because God has something better in store for me. In the right now.
much of this has been discussed by my roommate, Kristin and I. I can not take all of the credit as it has been her to keep reminded me of the fact that God has something better in store.
1. Marriage. Believe me it is NOT fun to go to a wedding by MYSELF! I love dancing, I hate dancing alone. I love eating, I hate eating alone. I love oohing and ahhing.... and I have friends that help me do that. But still, it is had to see the tangible blessings of singleness when I keep hearing that "Marriage is wonderful".
My way to respond to this: "Not yet, God has something better. A better purpose for me being single RIGHT NOW/"
2. Job. I love the flexibilty of my job. I love the pay. I hate the unsteadiness. I would like a job that pays better, that gives me freedom to study and hang out with friends and chances to witness.
My way to respond "Not yet, God has something better but wants to teach me something RIGHT NOW." (I think that God wants me to witness to people at Starbucks personally...)
3. Ministry. I really, really want to figur eout my place in ministry. Right now I feel like I am just floating a long not really doing anything.
My way to respond "Not yet. God has something bigger plan for me RIGHT NOW."
I feel like there are lessons that I need to learn in each area and it's not that I have to wait until each lesson is fully learned before I can move on in these areas but more that I am walking humbly with God and seeking His face. It's then that the "Not Yets" seem to ease me soul and allow me to remember that God is not yet finished with me-but that He will complete the good work that He started.
much of this has been discussed by my roommate, Kristin and I. I can not take all of the credit as it has been her to keep reminded me of the fact that God has something better in store.
1. Marriage. Believe me it is NOT fun to go to a wedding by MYSELF! I love dancing, I hate dancing alone. I love eating, I hate eating alone. I love oohing and ahhing.... and I have friends that help me do that. But still, it is had to see the tangible blessings of singleness when I keep hearing that "Marriage is wonderful".
My way to respond to this: "Not yet, God has something better. A better purpose for me being single RIGHT NOW/"
2. Job. I love the flexibilty of my job. I love the pay. I hate the unsteadiness. I would like a job that pays better, that gives me freedom to study and hang out with friends and chances to witness.
My way to respond "Not yet, God has something better but wants to teach me something RIGHT NOW." (I think that God wants me to witness to people at Starbucks personally...)
3. Ministry. I really, really want to figur eout my place in ministry. Right now I feel like I am just floating a long not really doing anything.
My way to respond "Not yet. God has something bigger plan for me RIGHT NOW."
I feel like there are lessons that I need to learn in each area and it's not that I have to wait until each lesson is fully learned before I can move on in these areas but more that I am walking humbly with God and seeking His face. It's then that the "Not Yets" seem to ease me soul and allow me to remember that God is not yet finished with me-but that He will complete the good work that He started.
Saturday, August 7, 2010
No Weapon
I have been wrestling with this blog for a while now. In fact, camp was when I first started to think about this.
Our worship leader, Aaron Keyes, was singing a song (the name I am drawing a blank on) but one of the lines was "No weapon formed against me will prosper." I remember praying that night, feeling thankful that it was true. But not until the week later did I really come back to this and begin to meditate on this.
You see- I want things. I want marriage and a family. I want to not be in debt (school loans and such). I want a car that doesn't overheat at random and makes noises. I want to have friends that stick around for longer than a year. Or as my last post said, I want a pretty white Apple computer.
So many times I focus on my wants. Even the things I say I need (which honestly, I imagine I could live without).
The promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper is often one that I don't claim. I let the weapon of discouragement, disillusion and worry overtake my thoughts. I allow the roots of bitterness to take hold of my heart- especially when I see or want something that I don't have or feel is being "withheld" from me.
The truth is that no weapon, nothing, can separate me from the love of God. The truth is that Christ defeated death and now I can stand in Him, boldly approaching grace and walking humbly with God. Discouragement and anxiety have no authority over me and I can rest knowing that Christ has overcome. Whats more is that this allows me to be free- free from guilt, from condemnation, from sin.
So, as I have been learning about choices, today I will choose to rest in the promise. I will choose to rest in the promise that Christ has come to give life. I will choose to rest in His forgiveness.
I will choose to rest in the knowledge that because I am His child- no weapon formed against me will prosper.
"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me, says the Lord."
Isaiah 54:17
Our worship leader, Aaron Keyes, was singing a song (the name I am drawing a blank on) but one of the lines was "No weapon formed against me will prosper." I remember praying that night, feeling thankful that it was true. But not until the week later did I really come back to this and begin to meditate on this.
You see- I want things. I want marriage and a family. I want to not be in debt (school loans and such). I want a car that doesn't overheat at random and makes noises. I want to have friends that stick around for longer than a year. Or as my last post said, I want a pretty white Apple computer.
So many times I focus on my wants. Even the things I say I need (which honestly, I imagine I could live without).
The promise that no weapon formed against me will prosper is often one that I don't claim. I let the weapon of discouragement, disillusion and worry overtake my thoughts. I allow the roots of bitterness to take hold of my heart- especially when I see or want something that I don't have or feel is being "withheld" from me.
The truth is that no weapon, nothing, can separate me from the love of God. The truth is that Christ defeated death and now I can stand in Him, boldly approaching grace and walking humbly with God. Discouragement and anxiety have no authority over me and I can rest knowing that Christ has overcome. Whats more is that this allows me to be free- free from guilt, from condemnation, from sin.
So, as I have been learning about choices, today I will choose to rest in the promise. I will choose to rest in the promise that Christ has come to give life. I will choose to rest in His forgiveness.
I will choose to rest in the knowledge that because I am His child- no weapon formed against me will prosper.
"But no weapon that is formed against you shall prosper, and every tongue that shall rise against you in judgment you shall show to be in the wrong. This is the heritage of the servants of the Lord; this is the righteousness or the vindication which they obtain from Me, says the Lord."
Isaiah 54:17
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