The Plasma Place is Closed

Several years ago- when I was looking for an on-campus job at Liberty- one of my friend took me to the plasma donation shop. I never actually donated- but the idea that if I was ever in need of cash appealed. Until they shut it down. Even though I had a job- albeit low paying- many of my friends were unemployed and went to this palce as often as they could.

One day- my friend Ashely and I were in her car and I was listening to her moan about her financial. I tried to encourage her that God would provide when she turned and said, "How is God going to provide? The plasma place is closed."

In the past couple of weeks since moving to Wake Forest, I have been struggling with the same question. I have rent due, too high of a credit card bill, people that I adore and want to see and a car that needs gas. And after 3 interviews, several applications and little interest, I feel like this little search is taking more time and focus from me than what I would like it too. I feel drained and emotional- wishing for China, my chinese kids and my steady (albeit low paying) job.

I find myself asking, "How is God going to provide?" and hearing myself ask it in a way that is less excited to see that He WILL provide and more in a way worried that He won't. I find myself having to be reminded that as much as I would like to be overseas and go on short term projects- I am to be obedient in what I am doing here and I feel my heart break a little more.

I am sure that many people have had just as trying weeks as I have had and probably even harder experiences than what I am experiencing. But I guess even if the answer is a closed plasma place- the reality is that He can and does provide every need. The church I have been going to has been talking and proverbs and the pastor recently said that just because we can't see Him working doesn't mean we are on the wrong path. It just means I need more trust. Trusting that the One who took me to Asia and back will be here. Trusting that the One who provided family who is loving and supportive of His call will continue to be faithful.

Apparently, Lord, I am still a mess when it comes to believing your goodness.