Changes

It's fall. Almost winter. The leaves are beautiful and my jacket/ sweater collection has been expanding. With this weather comes papers, finals and the general feeling of warmth that Thanksgiving and Christmas brings.

It's my first Thanksgiving and Christmas in the states since coming back from China. I will admit that I have been missing China more than usual. I miss my students, my friends, my family there. A lot of things changed when I left. My New Zealand friends were moving to a new city, my roommate moved back to her hometown, a new mall was being built. I try to picture it in my head- but then I remember it was China and nothing stayed the same for long.

Here in Wake Forest, it feels the same. New business are being built, a new semester will start and the overall look of North Carolina starts to dim as winter comes. I keep wanting to go back. Go back to the warm weather. Go back to when things where nice and beautiful Go back to when the days invited me to be lazy and celebrating in the sunshine.

But in my heart I know- I understand- I can't go back. I can't turn around and run to my small apartment with the small dilapidated bed and my space heater and my comforting $.25 cent movies. I have to move forward. It's painful and hard- especially when I feel like I am failing at juggling my life.

Nevertheless, I am here. And changes are good. I love the fall colors although I hate the cold. I love the pumpkin spice lattes, but I hate the frost on my windshield in the mornings. I love the fact that God is changing my heart into one that is more like His, but I hate the painful process it becomes and the feelings of failure it brings.

The thing about changes- they bring hope. Hope for something better, something greater, something lovelier. Fall and winter give way to spring and summer.

So while I sit and enjoy the small coffee and try to finish up my papers and online quizzes- I can be hopeful because with change there is newness. So I am coping with the change believing that something beautiful will come from it.