being offensive, rubberbands and being valued.

Today has been a particually rough day.

It started off with an e-mail from someone that I work with telling me that I would not be able to work on Saturday due to my religious beliefs. As much as I understand, I was frustrated. I am not working very much this week and could have used the job and was looking forward to the fact that this family had one child and it was a 2 year old. Often times I am with 9-15 year olds and sometimes its just healing to hold a baby. I felt rejected not only based on what I believed in but because somehow these people were saying I am not good enough to watch their child.

I told someone tonight I felt like I was being spiritually attacked with rubber bands. Painful and something that leaves scars for days. I felt like they knew my weak spots and instead of something quick decided to fire the thinnest rubber bands towards those soft spots. It makes me hurt all over... I have always been told I should be like a rubber band but the reality is that as flexible as I want to be the pain of being hurt is still present.

One of those areas is that of my value and worth. I was part of a conversation today where 2 girls were questioning the likelyhood of another girl getting married because of the fact she has a ThM. I feel like somehow women are starting to associate things like intelligence and beauty into a sense of worth. Maybe it's true- that woman may not get married- but don't I serve a God who does the impossible? Should someones intelligence, appearance, or religion somehow effect their worth?

It is possible that I will be starting to work with the youth group at the Summit. I almost feel as if there should be better answers for them. That while those things do matter ultimately our identities are not found in what we do or have but as Christians our identities should be and are rooted in Christ. My friend Emily puts it nicely when she says "in exchange for sitting at the table of false satisfaction, feeding off the morsels of whatever it is (it being what we look to instead of Christ) washing it down with the poison of pride, may we instead rest at the dining table of full satisfaction with our Father we have already been given, indulging ourselves in the word, being constantly refreshed in the Spirit."

I feel like this is something that I am still learning. That only Christ will satisfy. The other things that I am looking too- my job, my friends, and the things that offer comfort, love, joy, peace, and rest- fail and fall short. In Him, I can find my value and worth... not in the things I lack. In Him, I can have....

life.