Going.... again.

As I sit in my last class of the semester, I am being challenged by my missions class perhaps for the first time all semester.

This class has been a struggle for me because I love missions. I love the people that go. The people that send. The people who leverage their lives for the gospel. I love that God has called me to be a part of something big.

Then came the harshness. My professor started to yell at us. Not in a mean way but in a very real way. He said, "We haven't really submitted to Christ until Christ ask us to go and do something we don’t want to do." 


I have committed my summer and possibly my next year to living on the West Coast. This summer I will be in California working with churches doing VBS camps and local ministries. The fall will bring me to Seattle (hopefully) where I will be working with students at U of W. 


I am excited but there is so much in me that doesn't want to go. I want to stay here. I want to keep my friends. I want to keep my small group. I am scared about what this next year will bring. I am scared about how to work with college students in the fall or failing this summer. 


So when I heard this, I realized that I am giving up things that I fought hard for. That I struggled to find. That I missed in China. I fear that I will lose everything. 
So in preparation for this, I have been reading Philippians and the thing that God has been reminding me over and over is, "For me, to live is Christ." This is where I want my heart to be. I want to life to be centered around Christ. Not Christ plus my friends. Not Christ plus my classes. But Christ and Christ alone. He has called me to do things like leave (again). Leave my comforts. Leave my family. Leave everything that I currently hold very dear to go and serve Him. 


And it will be worth it.