Psalm 23

I am currently waiting for Netflix to load and decided to write a blog.

What a strange week it has been. My car was loaded (thanks to the help of some fabulous people... ahem Hannah Mack and The Pipers and my Mom and Dad), driven to Virginia and sort of unloaded.... in order or stuff which I feel like I will need in the next two weeks.

But the strangeness really happened today. I did nothing.
Not really nothing. I went grocery shopping with my dad, used a Starbucks gift card that I got for my birthday, watched a movie, watched the Bachelorette, ate, took a walk, texted some favorites back in Raleigh. But I didn't rush anywhere. I didn't have to go to work. I didn't have to write a paper or watch any children. I didn't have small group.

It was strange. I felt like I needed to be somewhere.
Then I got an e-mail. An e-mail that asked if I was interested in being an intern with a church plant in Washington. I started freaking out.

I get bored really easily. I think it's a matter of I feel like I need to be used or doing something.
The reality is the e-mailed freaked me out because I needed something to do. Instead of trusting God and God's sovereign plan over my life, I stressed out that perhaps this is where he wants me or maybe I have been wrong, or what if the place where I am in the fall requires support raising and that's just hard to do in California.

So while at Starbucks getting my free drink, I started reading Psalm 23. Such a familiar passage with familiar saying that many times I glaze over. The point of the passage though is not me. It is not about who I am or what I have done. It is about Christ. Christ leads me to still waters, Christ restores my soul and ultimately, Christ brings me home. I sat in silence (well as much as I could as Starbucks was blasting Lady Gaga) and tried to focus my heart on those truths.
That while nothing goes as I plan, everything is under His authority and in His control.

 "Will you lead me beside the still water? Where oil, it runs over, and my cup overflows. You restore my soul."

Going.... again.

As I sit in my last class of the semester, I am being challenged by my missions class perhaps for the first time all semester.

This class has been a struggle for me because I love missions. I love the people that go. The people that send. The people who leverage their lives for the gospel. I love that God has called me to be a part of something big.

Then came the harshness. My professor started to yell at us. Not in a mean way but in a very real way. He said, "We haven't really submitted to Christ until Christ ask us to go and do something we don’t want to do." 


I have committed my summer and possibly my next year to living on the West Coast. This summer I will be in California working with churches doing VBS camps and local ministries. The fall will bring me to Seattle (hopefully) where I will be working with students at U of W. 


I am excited but there is so much in me that doesn't want to go. I want to stay here. I want to keep my friends. I want to keep my small group. I am scared about what this next year will bring. I am scared about how to work with college students in the fall or failing this summer. 


So when I heard this, I realized that I am giving up things that I fought hard for. That I struggled to find. That I missed in China. I fear that I will lose everything. 
So in preparation for this, I have been reading Philippians and the thing that God has been reminding me over and over is, "For me, to live is Christ." This is where I want my heart to be. I want to life to be centered around Christ. Not Christ plus my friends. Not Christ plus my classes. But Christ and Christ alone. He has called me to do things like leave (again). Leave my comforts. Leave my family. Leave everything that I currently hold very dear to go and serve Him. 


And it will be worth it.

New Blog.

I recently have decided to dedicate an entire blog to the conversations that I have. You can read about it here:

http://smalltalkandthosewhomakeit.blogspot.com

With taking missions this semester and the new opportunities that I am being given I thought it would be a fun experiment to show people my struggles with sharing the gospel as well as share the wheres, the hows and the whos I tend to interact with.

Enjoy!

Freezer Cooking Day Wednesday

Tonight, I do not have small group. It's a blessing really as many of the family's I am working with have been sick. So instead, my roommate and I decided to make pancakes for dinner and have a reading party. In addition I will be cooking and freezing some meals for the next week or so.

On the Menu:

PB and J- in grape and strawberry varieties
Tuna Sandwiches- instead of using mayo I will be using dressing.
Brown Bag Burritos (with a twist of turkey instead of ground beef)
Pancakes- whats left over I will freeze.
Baked Ziti   well actually it's baked pasta.

So excited for freezer cooking day!

My menu for the next couple of weeks include these as well as some items that I already have in the freezer.

Pleasing

This whole week I have been faced with the idea of who am I pleasing.

It started on Tuesday sitting across from a friend telling how much I wish I could just but my pride "won't let me". The reality is that I am making a choice not to change. I am choosing the way that seems easier and instantly gratifying although I know in my head and heart that I am suppose to make a different choice.

The next night my student small discussed the heart that drives us to make decisions. I had a bunch of ethics class reruns going on my head. I knew that I should make decisions based out of of obedience. I knew my choices should reflect a heart that has been forgiven, accepted and covered by grace. Instead, I was still selfishly believing that I knew better.

Finally yesterday came. Thursdays are my long days. I have such mixed emotions about them. I start my day at 6 a.m and generally go until 9 p.m. It's a long day with about 3 hours of break in the middle. I tend to get a lot done whether going to the post office, getting school supplies, reading and other things. When I got to my last job, I was still thinking about what it means to live a life that is pleasing to God. The woman that I worked for had a list of things that her children needed to do (i.e. pick up the playroom, pick up the shoes and so on) before they could play.

I woke up the 3 year old twins about 3:40 and this was the conversation:
Me: Before we play, we have to clean up a little.
Sammy: Why?
Me: Because cleaning up will make your Mommy happy.
Macey: And she will give us hugs and kisses?
Me: Well, she will do that anyway because she loves you guys. But we are going to clean up because it will make her smile.

I, in no way, want to endorse that we have to do things in order to get God to love us. But the conversation mirrors the relationship that we should have. We do things not because it will make God love us more or less. We do it because we want to make Him happy. We want to please him. I desperately want to please me parents. I attempt good grades and try to be wise with my money. Not because if I fail they will love me any differently but because when I do those things it reflects on them and how they invested in me. The way that I want to please God should echo in the way that I want to please them. 

I don't know best. But I can make the choice to lay down what pride I have and live a life that is pleasing to Him.

"So that you may live a life worthy of the Lord and please him in every way: bearing fruit in every good work, growing in the knowledge of God, being strengthened with all power according to his glorious might so that you may have great endurance and patience,  and giving joyful thanks to the Father, who has qualified you to share in the inheritance of his holy people in the kingdom of light." Colossians 1:10-12

A Billion Reasons Why

I love Kristen Billerbeck. Easily one of my favorite authors. He mix of reality and God make for fun and fast reads. This book A Billion Reasons Why was not a let down. I loved how Billerbeck mentions Glee, Justin Beiber and much more made this book interesting without too much trying.

Katie is about to get engaged to a safe and somewhat boring man but still has feeling for a college sweetheart, who also happens to be a billionaire. This book speaks very indirectly to trusting in God when it comes to relationships.  One of my favorite quotes of the book was, "No one who truly understands grace will tell a person their sin is beyond it" (252).  It is such a  wonderful statement that shows that people can move on from their past and  be in grace of God, living a life that please him.

I have never been let down by Billerbeck and this book was no exception. I think she has redefined Christian romance in a good way. It was a wonderful winter read and comes highly recommended (along with all of her other books as well).

Cooking Adventures

Tonight I cooked. I love cooking. Tonight I made an Italian dish, salad and bread.

The dish is called Everything Italian. It is so good!

Here's the recipe:
1 box your choice of pasta. I used penne in this.
1 jar of meat suace
1 8 ounce can of ricotta cheese
1 bag of shredded cheese (Mozzarella or Italian mix will work)
1 pound of meat. I used turkey.

Brown meat and cook pasta. Pre-heat over to 425. In a 9x9 inch pan layer the ingredients. First layer pasta, second layer meat, third layer sauce, fourth layer ricotta cheese then a handful of the shredded cheese. Continue to layer until there is no more room. Bake for 20 to 25 minutes or until cheese is brown on top.

It is one of my favorites to cook and since my apartment always has pasta and sauce the whole meal for two cost about 10 dollars.




Looking forward to next weekends adventure!