Conviction

It has been a rough week. I am sure if you have been reading my blog- you may understand a bit of what I mean.
I think on the outside- I have managed to smile and pretend my way through the week- but yesterday on the phone I realized just how horrible I had been.
At the risk of sounding whining, I will give you some lowlights of the past week.
1. Our school scored very low on the education department review. Thats bad. Really, really bad.
2. My classes were just okay this week. I am struggling and am not really sure what I am struggling with- making it hard to explain and ask for help.
3. My computer died and I have no idea the cost it will take to fix it.I simply do not have the funds to fix my computer (even though it is in the shop) and pay for a car and pay for an apartment when I get home. Even with saving the majority of my pay from now until August. Money will be extremely tight.
4. I feel very alone. No computer means no talking to friends on skype. Friends here try- but it is so hard to develop deep friendships with people who have children and husbands and home lives that are much busier than mine.

With all that said- I made it to International Fellowship this week. My boss was speaking and honestly, sometimes I don't like it when she does because she tends to fall more on the liberal side of things and I don't always agree. I will admit though a lot of my thoughts have changed in that I now understand what I should be liberal with (my time, my limited finances and my Savior's love), even if I do not always practice it. She spoke about the dinner where the Savior's feet were anointed by Mary. She talked of how Judas complained and how Mary had learned that it was about worship- more than money or status. I was convicted more than once- earlier that we had sung about how nothing compares to the promise that we have in Him. I have sung that song a THOUSAND times and maybe more. And yet today, I thought about the words- how nothing can compare to the Promise. Not even the relationship or the joy that we have been given but the promise in and of itself. The promise that He would meet every need and even if He choose to withhold blessings- He had promised His eternal life. And nothing can compare to that. Not a great review, a working computer, a friend to ease the loneliness. Nothing compares. Easter is fast approaching and I am reminded of why I gave up facebook. I am looking forward to celebrating with my International group and taking time to think abut the cross. The way that was made. The promise that no matter how He answers my prayers- He loves me and willingly laid down His own life- so that I could live-with or without a computer. And the promise of unconditional love and life? Well, nothing compares to that.